Huh.

Interesting.

More grit than I expected from a secretive squirrel with a penchant for nutty emails.

I hand you another business card.

Great job!

Your potential customer calls you back and is ready to sign up for your game/product/service.

This process is going to set the tone for your entire relationship.

And now that your customer is inside your world…get rid of that friction thing we did earlier.

Immediately.

No. More. Friction. Kay?

Onboarding should feel like you’ve won fast track passes at Disney Land.

Your customer should feel special.

(Hint: they are special. They’ve just given you hard-earned money/organ harvesting rights)

Every second of your new customer’s time should be accounted for with:

Smooth, short, easy, essential interactions.

Do you need your customer to sign a contract?

Make it short.

And if you can’t make it short, make it clear and easy to understand so they don’t hate you.

Do you need to de-humanise your customers by taking away their clothes, personal possessions and names, and replace them with uniforms and numbers?

Make it quick.

Make sure you keep everyone’s belongings in a central location. Like a locker room.
Or a Google Drive folder.

A welcome email - thank them for making the best decision of their life. Let them know how glad you are they’ve trusted you.

Provide any login credentials.
Give them a tour of your prison.
Find out their availability for calls/briefing sessions/feedback sessions. Book early.
Make sure they understand what to do if things go wrong.
Introduce your army of mask-wearing minions.